eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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