I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
