Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
