Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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