I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
