i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
