I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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