just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
