I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
