It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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