8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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