also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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