I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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