Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
