dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
