You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
