Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
