he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
