I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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