is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
