I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
