dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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