party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
