Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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