Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
