My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
