Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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