that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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