i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
