i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
