He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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