yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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