12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
