you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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