How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
