Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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