whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh god it's open bar.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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