maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You are a genius and a whore.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
