just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
