I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
