You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
