Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
