I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just had sex on a roof
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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