Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
