on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When are your genitals available?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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