Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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