I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
