who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
