my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
