If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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