Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
