I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
