If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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