I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
