We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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