actually, I'm a sock model
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
