i wish my penis had a tongue
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize