we have officially lost it.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
