do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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