I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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