why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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