Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
