Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
